Life stuff, crazy people, and family

"Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection" (itsalwayssteve)
03/20/2016 at 12:06 • Filed to: Life stuff

oppo, I have some deep and serious shit I need to get off my chest. After the jump, of course. Have a second generation Volvo C70 because my wife and I are looking at one this week. Long read btw...

So as I’ve mentioned before, my wife and I live in a house owned by her mother because rent is cheap and we need to save money. Even so, we are getting by. We’re looking at a second car so I can get a part time side job. We aren’t getting ahead but we don’t have to sacrifice anything just to keep bills paid. We also have a lot of medical expenses and my wife lives with bipolar disorder with a greater tendency toward depression. Now, her psychiatrists tells us that most people living with this severe a case are generally on disability and not working because the anxiety, depression, and manic episodes are too much. With a good regimen of medication and therapy it’s pretty well controlled.

She has FMLA and ADA accommodations through her employer - a major insurance company - and my job is flexible enough to get me around and out when she needs me.

Now with this situation comes the fact that we live next to her sister and girlfriend. They’ve been there two years and the girlfriend has alcoholic and addictive tendencies. She’s also not very bright and controlling. She used to come to our house and drink our beer because a. It isn’t our job to monitor her alcohol consumption and b. I share beer. It’s just a nice thing to do.

Anyway, she would occasionally start lying to cover for herself, which caused my wife’s mother and sister to call us screaming or send nasty text messages that throughly confused us until we hashed out the fact that the girlfriend was lying and we were getting caught up in it. Or we would get nasty messages from the girlfriend that made no sense because we were being dragged into their drama.

Their kids love us. My sister’s son and daughter are wonderful but the girlfriend’s daughter has all the hallmarks of a child of an alcoholic. She doesn’t understand appropriate social behavior, has poor hygiene, lies, pilfers, and definitely needs to be away from her mother so she can get the help she needs. Which is sad, because she’s a bright and funny kid.

Anyway, about two months ago this all came to a head. We were doing our Sunday night weekly prep stuff, packing snacks for lunches and so on, and the girlfriend came over and asked for a beer. Since I had some that I wasn’t going to drink I poured her one. It was gone in under a minute. Then when I went to take a leak I heard her getting salty with my wife. Apparently she was asking for pills - my wife has a prescription for a benzodiazapene for anxiety - and my wife said no. So when I washed up and walked out she took off back home.

My sister in law came home about an hour later and called my wife asking if we gave the girlfriend beer. She said “yeah she had one of those beers Steve’s boss gave him for Christmas.” Then she hung up the phone.

About five minutes later my sister in law busts through our door with a black eye, bloody cut on her eyebrow, and fat lip. She’s screaming, “SHE’S GONNA KILL ME!”

The girlfriend rushes in behind her, screaming and yelling.

I was a bouncer for ten years. I know when someone is aggressive. I can tell when someone is out for blood. She was. Drunken blind rage was strong with that one.

I also know that women are far more vicious in fights - especially when they’ve been drinking - because they generally have less upper body strength and have to make up for lack of power with something.

Anyway, I tackled her. When she went to bite me I choked her out. I got up while she was out and she came after me and my wife again so I choked her out a second time. When she asked why, I gave her the same speech I gave all the drunks I had to escort out of the bar. “You did wrong. I had to stop you and keep it safe... etc.”

Now, the sister in law went and filed charges that night because she works at the jail. Her boss basically said if she didn’t then she wouldn’t be allowed to come back to work.

The girlfriend’s family tried to file charges against me but the magistrate laughed at them.

Anyway - I’m getting to the point. I promise. The girlfriend moves out for 10 days and then moves back in because of course she fucking does.

The girlfriend’s daughter is back and starts face timing us and we mention that to be sister. The next day my wife gets a nasty hateful message about how she’s so wrong etc. and how we need to keep her name out of our mouths. When I answered the FaceTimes I saw her daughter’s face and the kid panicked and disconnected.

About two weeks ago, my wife got a message from her asking to apologize in person and the wife said “I’m not ready to talk to you.” Of course the girlfriend flips the fuck out.

Friday night we had friends over, along with the niece and nephew. Girlfriend’s daughter didn’t get invited because she has begun to start shit like her mother. Anyway, one of the kids overheard us talking about how the girlfriend spent a night in jail for beating up my sister in law etc.

Yesterday we get this long rambling message about how I need to apologize etc and we are wrong etc.

This shit is actually costing us money. Because of my wife’s illness, that kind of stress sometimes gives her panic attacks. Anyone who has had one knows it’s nigh-impossible to work while going through it. What’s more, she has IBS so any day this happens leads to two days missed work. One to recover from the panic attack and another to recover from the panic-attack-induced diarrhea.

Since January she’s missed about nine days of work. That’s more than we can afford because she ends up using her PTO as it’s earned. Only two of those days have been paid. We need to move but the stress caused by the family is keeping us under their financial thumb so we don’t have the money to move.

We kind of need a second car so I can get a second job to put us over the top instead of breaking even. That comes with a whole new set of issues - like having to maintain another car and the fact that I’ll be gone 60 hours a week.

I just needed to vent so if you made it this far thanks for reading. If you have any constructive advice I’ll be glad to listen.

DISCUSSION (21)

Slant6 > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:20

Read through. No advice to give, but good luck. There has to be a solution though, I hope you find it.

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:22

Wow, that shit really sucks. Hope you guys get through it okay. Has anyone considered a restraining order?

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Slant6
03/20/2016 at 12:25

On a more positive note, Asheville is pretty awesome for good food and live music. There was a white-with-blue interior civic like the one you posted yesterday for sale forever in the Charlotte Craigslist.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/20/2016 at 12:26

She hasn't yet threatened us or caused either of us harm so they won't issue us one. Just nasty messages and temper tantrums.

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:29

I always thought people had a good chance if there was enough for them to be in fear or a problem but perhaps not. Curiosity, does your sister in law have any mental health issues or social health issues that she keeps letting the girlfriend come back?

PS9 > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:30

Kinja'd!!!

Nevermind another house. it’s time to consider moving to another quadrant. It’s a big galaxy, the sister and girlfriend will have their work cut out for them if they want to find you again.

Slant6 > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:31

Are you in NC?

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Slant6
03/20/2016 at 12:32

Gaston County. Which explains why I have a strange desire to trade my Kia Soul for an F250

d15b > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:33

My advice, friend, would be to establish boundaries. You have a wife to take care of, she is priority. Not her sister, not her girlfriend.

Take care of her first and things will fall into place. I say this because you can only affect her well-being in absolute.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz)
03/20/2016 at 12:33

Absolutely but they've never been diagnosed. I see bipolar, borderline personality, and histrionic personality disorders all over her.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > d15b
03/20/2016 at 12:44

We have established boundaries. Repeatedly. She simply doesn't respect them. I do all I can to take care of my wife. Her family loves me and knows how great we are together but this one crazy alcoholic just has to jump in and fuck shit up whenever she can

Stephen the Canuck > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:47

The only thing I can really say would be why would you be giving someone you know has alcohol problems a beer? That’s of no help to anyone and would keep her coming around.

Other than that I got nothing, but want to say good luck. Sounds like a crap situation and hopefully you and your wife can get well clear of it.

d15b > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 12:53

If you have rules in place, ENFORCE them.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > d15b
03/20/2016 at 13:00

That’s the issue. Beyond telling her she’s not welcome, blocking her phone number, and passing along the information to my wife’s mother and sister there isn’t much to be done.

Ike > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 13:09

I read though as best as can do with a fussy 14 month old distraction. Any way I recommend listening to the Adam and dr drew podcast. I have a addict in the family. The advice and discussion on the show helps as a form of mental exercise, helped me think about how to fix the problem on my end. They talk a lot about mental health and addicts. If you follow the show on Twitter they have call in times to talk to them too. Also drew recommends going to aldanon(sp?) ist for people who have addicts in the family, it’s worth doing, especially if you can get other family to do it.

As an aside, I feel your pain, I have had to cut out communication with family members for my (and my wife and daughters) mental / physical health and welfare. Having a family member being the victim of an addict and most likely having undiagnosed mental problems. Means that even if this abuser leave and is never heard from again, the Sis in law will probably be attracted to this same type of person again and again.

d15b > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 13:15

Escalate. Get a restraining order.

Redd, the RX-7 that could > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 13:38

Sometimes you just gotta cut someone off. Like an angry drunk at a bar, you can’t let them have just one more. As long as her sister insists on being blind to the insanity of her girlfriend, I suggest blocking them from all forms of communication, get a restraining order if it comes to that. You have to protect the ones you love, and if you even dabble in bullshit you’re going to get dirty.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > d15b
03/20/2016 at 13:54

Since she hasn’t since she hasn’t made any threats and has not physically harmed either of us, our county will not issue a restraining order.

d15b > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 14:08

You know what to do.

Ban her from your home.

Galileo Humpkins (aka MC Clap Yo Handz) > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
03/20/2016 at 14:57

Interesting. I guess my thoughts on how to progress would be to possibly have two interventions, of sorts. One for your sister in law to look into getting treatment and one for the girlfriend if she wants to remain a part of the family, as much as you guys are willing.

Perhaps at least you and your wife should try a sit down with just your parents in law and possibly sister in law to get everything that’s gone on out in the open and to make sure you’re all on the same page moving forward. I say that because it seems to me that there are some times when they might be believing things they shouldn’t and it gets directed back at you guys.

I don’t know, I’ve never been through a situation like this, at least not to this extreme, and I’m certainly not a professional in these matters so take from my suggestions what you will. Hopefully something helps this ordeal get resolved, or at least moving in the right, healthier direction.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > d15b
03/20/2016 at 16:44

Déjâ fait.